The Pain of Losing a Child: The day you left me

The Pain of Losing a Child: The day you left me: Today is February 27, 2016 and it has been 98 days since I had to endure the pain of seeing you lying there as if you were just asleep; know...

The day you left me

Today is February 27, 2016 and it has been 98 days since I had to endure the pain of seeing you lying there as if you were just asleep; knowing that I would never hear your voice again. The pain that I am feeling is not explainable and I really don't know if I am handling it the way I should. I think of you every single day and I really wish that I could just have one more moment to talk to you. The day you left me is a day that I wish did not happen, but one that I will never forget. My body was so numb and my thoughts were just stuck in that moment of seeing the doctor who straddled you to revive you. 

People who don't know me don't know the pain that I have to carry around on a daily basis and those that do know me think that I am handling it quite well. The reality of my hurt is that I choose to get up because even though you left us I still have be there for your brother and my mother. 

The day you left me, you left me in confusion and disbelief. Many days I just sit in silence waiting to hear your voice or see you walk up to me with that gorgeous smile. I try extremely hard to keep a smile on my face, but deep inside I am so hurt. I often want to be in a place with no distractions...just me and my thoughts. I know that you are really here with me in spirit, but missing your physical form is the toughest thing to do. 

I know that I am not the only one who is hurt with your departure from this world, I just pray that I find the peace that I need to make it until it is my turn to be on my journey home. I will continue to miss you and hold on deeply to the memories that we shared for so many years. Momma loves you forever.